I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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