It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you traded sex for a burrito?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There r osticjed everywhere
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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