Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
