i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
