can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
