he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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