Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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