After last night, I could never be a politician.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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