If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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