I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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