I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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