I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
