no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
