im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize