I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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