I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
