his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
