I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
