Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Mom said you looked used
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
