Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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