i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it was like eating out sand paper
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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