we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize