OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
