quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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