She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
