fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
