i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize