yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
