i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
