I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Randomize
