Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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