i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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