you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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