You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
