So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
