We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
