Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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