im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
