She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize