Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
