i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
