I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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