Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize