I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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