please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You made out with two different species that night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize