I molested 6 butterflies tonight
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
