Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
