you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
