Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My hand turned me down
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
