i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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