C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
