My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
