I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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