Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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