I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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