apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Someone signed my nipple.
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