My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
PANTIES FOUND
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