He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He has the fingertips of a God
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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