Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
