i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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