The best revenge is premature balding
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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