twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
