some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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