xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
