mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
