too bad you live with your parents still
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
