The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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