I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I looked at my own cervix.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The beer is more important than you right now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
