omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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