How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
