im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Fuck appropriateness.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
