Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
