I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
