went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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