Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
