No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
