Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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