My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
