it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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