We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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