You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
