I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
