It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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