I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
