i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
