She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
