im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
