I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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