I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
