trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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