Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
